Why growing up is cool

Told ya that the lifestyles section would probably fill up fast…

So for the last few days, I have been trying to put my finger on what defines being an adult. What trait or traits makes me or us view a person as an adult compared to a teenager or a child (or more to the point, someone acting like one). Obviously, age is completely taken off the table. I have ran across some very childish people that are over the age of 30 and have ran into the rare, occasional person younger than 25 that is a very adult person.

But I never could quite put my finger on the difference. I think that I did, but it took looking at a bunch of situations. No one interaction with a person could narrow it down, it was a combination of a whole bunch.

To keep a long story short, I will just cover the result of all of them. Sufficed to say, it comes down to adults truly and honestly understand the idea of teamwork in its essence. Adults look at any situation and go “yeah, this sucks. We’ll get together and hash out a solution.” With that, there is no single person taking the credit, trying to do all the work, trying to do none of the work, protecting their ego, protecting someone elses ego, defending themselves or trying to defend the action of others. We, as adults, just look at the issue at hand, say “huh, crap. Someone has to do something about this, we’ll work together to fix it”.

I will use a couple of generic (right, generic) situations to explain my point.

Say that a set of mutual friends break up. It’s somewhat of a bad breakup, but isn’t all of them really? The adults involved in the “situation” don’t take sides, are there for both individuals, and basically work together to get past the whole thing. Now, the childish people during this evolution, take sides, gossip about the situation to anyone that will listen, take credit for anything good or deny involvement in anything bad. They try to make themselves look good, give advice about stuff they have no idea about, or have bad ideas about, try to play the fixer, the counselor, the referee or the public defender of either party (sometimes both). Most of the time, they are doing it for their own personal reasons, but say it is for the best intentions for the couple.

The adults, on the other hand, watch the kids from the side, shaking their heads thinking “what the fuck are they doing?” Now, sometimes the wisdom that adults have is gained through experience, sometimes a natural sense of knowledge or wisdom or they downright pay attention to those who know and explain it to them. Doesn’t matter how they get there, it’s the fact that they got there in the first place.

It’s strange too. Adults just know and do. It’s like a group of people  gathering wood for a fire without a word being said. There is not leader, no person in charge, no person standing and waiting for orders or direction. It’s just a bunch of people that say “we need wood, I will walk around and stare at the ground till I find some. When I do, I will pick it up and put with the rest that everybody else found. It just happens.

Another example can be found in an “adult” relationship. (Which these days seems so fucking rare, I am not completely sold they exist anymore). Neither person has an agenda or a list of things they will and will not do. They just do them. When one person isn’t doing something, the other person does it. Floor needs swept, I’m on it. Baby needs changing, OK the other person has that covered. What’s next?

These days, it’s a lot of defining roles and responsibilities. And when one person is feeling like they are doing all the work, or is doing all the work, thats when shit falls apart. That’s when one or both persons in the relationship stopped being adults and acting like 13 year olds.

And yes, I have seen people in their 40’s and old act like a couple of junior high students. Of course, I have seen people in their early 20’s completely smoke the older people in having a good “adult”  relationship.

So what are the traits exactly? Relaxed and groovy for sure. But ultimately it comes down to one easy thing…pure, un-selfish, completely  task completion teamwork.

Next time you see someone upset or pissed off, think about how that anger is associated or could have been avoided with some simple, old fashioned working together.